People of Wal-Mart

So, it's been awhile since I've blogged. Sorry for that! A lot happened between now and then. But, my creative juices are back and flowing and I am newly committed to my blog! I am working on some fun stuff for newly loved things. I have one in the works for Drop Dead Diva, a little ditty for the new Starbucks Vanilla Creme...WOW. That thing is fantastical! I am also working on a little poem, Ode to my Houndy. we lost our hound dog mabel on 7/31/10 and I shall I plan to immortalize her here.

So, as a welcome back to my followers (all 6 of you!) I bring you a poem written by my witty husband. A real tribute to those regular shoppers of America's favorite retailer...WAL-MART.

People of Wal-Mart

Sweatpants spandex
and headbands together.
With accents of buttocks,
on thongs made of leather.

If you looked like this,
YOU wouldn't dare be outside.
But not me, I am special,
and bursting with pride.

Even in the freezer aisle,
I'm still sweating buckets,
Looking for rollbacks
On tasty chicken nuggets.

Have you seen my wolf tattoo?
Do you see that little sparkle?
It's a rabid cyborg wolf warrior,
from the planet Zoozarkle!

But wait, fellow shopper,
The wolves never stop there,
There's a wolf on no less
Than every outfit I wear!

And Walmart, oh, Wal-mart,
if appliances you'd carry,
my World of Warcraft shirts
would be as clean as I hairy.

So if you see me shopping,
please stop and say hi.
I'm the one in see-through shorts,
and looking sooooooooooo fly.

Good Riddance, Blasted Year

So, in honor of the passing of the wretched year 2009, I feel it is only appropriate to post a poem. It took a long time to make this short!

Now, this is not a funny one, but more of a closure to a tremendously crappy year, a year I never want to repeat as long as I live. I'm sure I am not alone in my feelings for this year...

2009
2009 how I wished you would shine,
I longed for you to be a year so divine.
In the beginning, I thought - I'll accomplish a lot,
Almost as quickly, I was crazy distraught.
2009, you got me so caught, in so many ways I never had sought.
By the end of the year, my eyes filled with tears,
How much I look forward to having 2010 here.

Shelvis

So, today was my company's Holiday Party. We had a special guest.

SHELVIS! For those of you who may not have caught on, that is SHE-ELVIS. It was amazing. Truly!

She sang some Christmas songs and did some real Elvis songs. I especially liked Hound Dog, because since I have a hound dog, I can vouch for the fact they they do, indeed cry all the time. However, my hound dog has caught a rabbit, she is a friend of mine, AND she is high-class. She is the total hound dog package!

So, amidst this imagination-creating environment I have fashioned a new jingle. Can you guess the title?

I bring you - SHELVIS

Shelvis, Shelvis your songs I admire,
Your gyrations are so good, to me they inspire,
But when I try to gyrate, I seem in a quagmire,
I wonder with whom it is you conspire,
Praise the Lord that you are for hire.

I thoroughly enjoyed Shelvis and her boss production, and I enjoyed making this jingle. I feel like I have hit a pinnacle or something - I used gyration! That is impressive, even to me. HAHAHA!

So, Merry Christmas, my friends. I hope your company parties are half as cool as mine.

A Poem for Tammy

OK, so my cousin Tammy once mentioned that I should write a poem to get her daughter, Sara, to clean her room.

Since it was just Tammy's birthday, I have decided to make her wish come true.

Behold the Room Cleaning Poem:

Dirty room, dirty room,
I will the vacuum to go "vroom",
Maybe then my Mom wouldn't throw the broom,
She's so mad, I'm scared she'll blow -- KABOOM!
Dirty room, I wish you clean,
It would be like a time machine,
My whole room, it could gleam,
If only this were just a dream.

There it is! I hope Tammy likes it. :) Happy Birthday Tammy!

Fiber One Muffins Response!

So, at the insistence of some friends, I sent my Fiber One poem to General Mills. What a lame response! I hoped I'd get at least a coupon. Boo Hiss!!

Dear Mrs. Hxxxx:

Thank you for contacting Pillsbury regarding Fiber One banana chocolate chip muffins. We appreciate the time you have taken to share your positive feedback with us. We will be very happy to pass on your comments to the product team.

We are committed to creating the highest quality products for our consumers. Feedback such as yours helps us achieve this goal for the future.

We appreciate your loyalty and hope you continue to enjoy our products.

Sincerely,

Jenni
Consumer Services

Guest Blogger Tonight!

The wait is over! The secret guest blogger's identity is revealed! The following poem was penned by my friend Jen just before lunch. There seems to be a mini-revolution happening at my office...lots of things, everyday things are being set to poetry. It's been fun!

Without further adieu, I give you Jen's LUNCH POEM

Hunger hunger,
It's 10:30 in the mornin'
When I was younger
I would have been scornin'
Feeling you so early
This makes me surly
I eat too much,
Which would be ok if all I ate was spinach
But it's not, I like french fries
And they make me a bigger size

How cute is that?! I loved it. Of course, she gave me permission to post it here. You hear it FIRST on Mel's Jingles! HAHA!

Requests, anyone?

If you have something you'd like to see set to poetry, or have a fun blog about, send me your idea! I'm looking forward to the challenge. I've already been asked to use a classic author in every poem! What is next? I can't wait to see your suggestions! Send 'em in!

A Change of Plans

I know that I promised a surprise guest for tonight's blog entry, but I left her work on my laptop which is sleeping away in it's laptop bag. I cannot disturb it! So, as much as I know you are let down, alas, you must wait one more night. But, to make up for my inherent laziness, I bring you POOPER SCOOPER one full night early!


Without further delay, I present POOPER SCOOPER

Convenient Pooper Scooper, you clean the yard like Comet,
Even though using you makes me want to vomit,
Especially when I scoop and the poop gets stuck on it,
I try to clean you in the grass,
But it makes me look so low class,
I give up, crass, and decide,
You're just a pain in the grass.

I decided as I crafted this gem for my husband, that it would be fun if I took requests. Doesn't that sound fun?! I'm going to try my hand.

Comment back with your requests! And stay tuned for tomorrow's guest spot. I promise it will be featured tomorrow!

Good night Pooper Scoopers!